Not Even Close
by Katie Schmidt
Summary: Castle and Beckett have a discussion about what happened to Gina and Josh during a rare stakeout.


Title: Not Even Close  
Author: Katie Schmidt  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters on this show. Sure wish I did, since it's the greatest show currently running.  
Notes: No beta is repsonsible for this work, all me. So, there are sure to be mistakes despite my attempts to remove them.

Summary: Beckett and Castle find themselves staked out, discussing Josh and Gina.

**Not Even Close**

Her name hadn't come up in weeks. Granted they'd been very busy over the last few weeks. Their emotions had been through a rollercoaster ride, between the triple killer events and the park kidnapping. Beckett's heart still constricted when she thought about Jerry Tyson and how he'd likely get away with at least one more murder before another precinct somewhere would be alerted to his presence by his murderous calling card. But there were no guarantees they'd catch him after just one.

The thought ached in her chest. Not just for the victims whose lives may be lost to the serial killer, but for Castle. He took the punishment laid out for him to heart; lives that would be lost would be on his shoulders. In fact, he'd taken a lot of their recent cases to heart as well.

Upon hearing there was a downed officer, Castle's face had gone stricken and hadn't perked up again, despite his Doogie Howser jokes, until they'd discovered the victim wasn't a real officer but a stripper. And while that didn't change the seriousness of murder, she'd noted his relief that their victim wasn't anyone serving to protect the city. Then again, he'd also nearly lost it during the kidnapping case.

Beckett had concerns about his ability to stay with things right now. He needed someone to talk to personally or professionally. Without even a mention of Gina in weeks, she was going suggest he find a therapist or see the force's physiologist.

"Do you have someone to talk to?" Beckett's voice broke the silence in their car. They'd never had to stake out a location on their own before. Typically the uniforms saw to that, however with their current case at a standstill, and more locations to watch than available teams, Castle had chimed in that it would be great research for his work if he'd have the privilege of a real stake out. She'd basically been forced along.

"So this is what all your quiet contemplation has been about?"

"This isn't easy for me to bring up Castle." She paused.

"That's one of your many charms, the silent brooding that leads to remarkable breakthroughs of your character." He added. She sent him a perfect shut-up glare.

"Everyone needs someone to vent to at the end of a case, to work through the emotions, the scares and the damage."

"Deep." He nodded in agreement.

"Gina?" Beckett put out gently. "Does she listen to you?"

"You sound concerned." Castle skirted. Her frustration was apparent on her face and in her voice when she continued.

"This is serious Castle." She ordered, "We've had a lot of horrible cases lately. Things that have obviously hit home with you no matter how hard you try to pretend things are fine. I've played poker with you, I know your face. If you ever need anyone beyond Gina, I'm sure the Captain would grant you permission to see the force's physiologist." A long silence passed as Castle digested this information.

"No." He sighed.

"Some of us get by with just our family and our friends, but not everyone can. Sometimes we need more help." She chastised, turning to the window to give him personal space while conditions inside the vehicle prevented either of them from escaping for privacy.

"I do."

"Oh. Good." She spewed in relief that Gina was enough. Her face reflected her confusion when he continued.

"I've seen someone for years. Often he has the same complaints about me that you do." He joked, breaking the tension. "Rick stop making jokes. Rick how much coffee have you had today? Rick stop wasting our time…" Beckett smiled gently, towards him, before returning her attention to the building they sat watching. "I'm not crazy. I just often need to escape from the intensity of writing about murder and living with two women. And now," he waved his hand around the car, "real murder."

"I imagine."

"Who do you talk to?" Castle pried, "Your cardiologist boyfriend?"

"No." She snapped.

"Trouble in paradise? I haven't heard a word about him since that date weeks ago."

"I haven't heard a thing about Gina." She retorted. He had no response to that, quite unusual for Castle to keep his mouth quiet about anything. The silence stretched for a long time before he finally spoke up in a voice barely above a registration.

"We've had a conflict of interest. I don't have a whole lot of time in my life for anything besides writing and Alexis." He paused when her brown eyes met his silvery blue ones. "And you."

Kate Beckett said nothing.

"She didn't like my inability to share, Alexis and my time." He announced with a little more confidence. "I don't think she was thrilled with my book dedications. The only person to ever receive more than one was Alexis." He paused letting the implications sink in.

Kate Beckett still said nothing.

"I really do think you're extraordinary and I'm grateful for every day you let me in your life."

Kate Beckett refused to turn her head, staring out into the darkness, away from him.

The quiet echoed in the cabin of their car, and Castle reached his hand across to touch her arm as it stretched to grip the steering wheel. "If this is about your Dr. Josh, I'll call a cab to pick me up down the street. I'm sorry."

"Don't." She whispered. "Josh and I are done." Turning her face towards him, he found two tears welled up against the lashes. His face fell from worry into anguish at her pain, and he pulled her hand from the steering wheel. He placed a kiss gently into the palm.

"I'm sorry you didn't work out." He confessed, trying to heal her heart. He enclosed his hand in hers as they stared out into the night. Beckett struggled against tears that were not for her failed relationship, but over the cause.

"I can't believe I'm crying over this." She gasped.

"I believe crying requires tears to fall." He pointed out. "Plenty of women do over a break up, even the extraordinary ones." She sucked in a shaky breath.

"This is not about Josh." She protests, wiping at her eyes to break their intense contact. "It's about you, your books."

"It is?" Castle questioned, still lost, as she returns to surveying the building.

"Do you mean those things or do you put them the just to send everyone into a buying frenzy?"

"I'm almost crushed." Castle pauses, "but you wouldn't be you without questioning all sides." That wasn't quite enough of the answer Kate sought, and she glanced towards him briefly, her facial expressions sending messages he'd learned over the course of their time together. Reading her face as she turned away again, he added more. "I mean every word of every dedication." He gives it time to set in before, touching her arm once more.

"We're done because he wasn't you." It comes out so softly, at first Castle is not sure he's heard her correctly.

"He's not me?" he echoes in sheer amazement.

"No. Not even close."

"Thank you." He mumbled upwards, before closing the small space in the car and capturing her face gently in his hands. He swipes the tears from her lashes and gently touched his lips to hers. The world seemed to swirl as she opened her mouth deepening the kiss and unleashing flooding passion. Lips danced, brushed and the air in the car seemed to disappear. Breaking apart, he smiled, while desperately gulping air. She did the same, before spotting the target wanted for questioning emerging from the building.

"Look." She nodded, picking up her radio and indicating his spot.

"It's going to be a long night isn't it?" he asked as she sprang from the car, Castle close on her heels.

The wait would be worth it.


End file.
